Some Good News!

After a couple days of sadness grieving for dreams that could have been, I just got some good news. My sister J would like to cycle again very soon! I left it up to her to decide the 'when', as I am just so grateful to have her offer a second time. I am surprised, happy, and my heart feels a little fullness and lightness that has been been missing since Monday.

We are both traveling out of the country next month with separate but much needed vacations, so it might take a bit of clever coordination at the hand of my doctor, but it seems like we should start the stim part of the cycle in very early June.

My biggest feeling right now is hope.

Moving On

I feel like my heart is a little broken. After getting a BFP on a test, it's natural to build dreams, and begin to visualize what the future will hold. For us, I know in my heart the future still holds parenthood,but that it will come just a little later than expected.

My doctor told me that we should be fine to try another cycle as soon as AF arrives. J is on board to do another cycle. In fact, her response to the chemical pregnancy was, "Don't worry, we'll try again." *Tear*

The doctor said chemical pregnancies occur for the same reasons as other miscarriages--usually a chromosomal abnormality, and that it's just a matter of finding the right embryo. And I know it's easier on the heart to miscarry at this early stage, than to miscarry weeks later into pregnancy when so much hope and attachment has developed.

I hope that we can cycle again very soon. Even though it lasted just a few days, I was pregnant. I know that it can happen again. And I have to believe that next time we will be on the right side of the odds.

Sad news.

We have a chemical pregnancy. One day, on top of the world, the next...back where we started. The doctor is calling later today, and I'll find out what she thinks to be the best next move. I would like to do another cycle as soon as possible, because this has proven that I can get pregnant. We'll just have to see.

It's Official!

I braved a digital test this morning to get a concrete answer.
No faint lines again, just a YES or NO answer. And at 9dp5dt, it's official!

I cannot believe it's true. I know it's still early, and that many things can happen in 9 months, but I'm forcing myself to live in the moment. I'm pregnant, and donor egg ivf works. I could not have done this without my sister, who is so excited to be an auntie.

Today is also the 1st anniversary of marriage to my dear husband. I could not have asked for a more special gift.

A quiet, faint, slight BFP??

I'm gonna need some other eyes on these! 

So this morning as promised, I POAS! And the results:

Husband saw the line too, so I know it's not my eyes playing tricks on me. These are the same stick in high light and low. I think it's a BFP! I have butterflies. I know it's early, and the line is so slight so I'm hesitant to get too excited...but it's a good start!

7dp5dt!

So it's been seven days. Seven days of distracting myself by doing this and that. Seven days of worry in the back of my mind. Yesterday, I made a time-consuming lasagna for dinner. Delicious and distracting. This morning I made scones for breakfast. Trying new things seems to help. Along with television--lots of television.

I will most likely poas tomorrow morning. Here's hoping for my BFP!!

3dp5dt

So it's been three days since my transfer, and nothing major to report. Had a very lazy weekend, as one does when on bedrest. Started reading T.C. Boyle's latest book, and watched about 3 or 4 movies. Husband and I walked our dog yesterday afternoon; who thankfully, is under 10 pounds so I can still pick him up!

I find myself searching for symptoms. A twinge, mild cramp... anything that can reassure me that things are going well, even when I know that some women have no symptoms at all during the 2 week wait. I feel very positive about this though. My body is made to create a snuggly warm home for our embryos, and they are made to do their job and settle in. Off to busy myself around the house!

PUPO

This morning we had our transfer! We put back an expanded blast, and an early blast. Our Dr seemed to think it increases our odds, so we went for it! It sounds doubtful that we will have frosties, but I'm just focusing on the two little things that were put back in me, and making them feel welcome. Bedrest for 48 hours! I'm ok witht it :-)!! Hubby is making a stew tonight. The acupuncturist who treated me this morning said I should eat warming foods like that, and avoid cold/heavy foods like ice cream and sandwiches. Glad I don't eat those much, anyway.

I'm trying to stay super positive about this, and not let the dark in. Of course I am realistic, but Telling myself to believe, "where there's a will, there's a way. "

Thanks to those who have been reading, and I hope it gives an insight into the process. Good luck to all!

Whirlwind Weekend

Been a busy few days here! The retrieval went great! My sister is recovering very well, with only a few cramps to speak of. 14 eggs were retrieved, 10 of great quality. And my doctor just called reporting that all 10 fertilized! So as of now, hubby and I have 10 little ones in Westwood, CA. I wonder if my love for them can take the freeway to get there?

The trigger shot was pretty hilarious. Celebrating J's birthday at a restaurant Friday night, my phone alarm goes off saying it's time. We go to the bathroom to do the shot in a handicapped stall. I push the plunger to get rid of air in the syringe, and put the cap back on. Apparently when I did that I bent the needle slightly, because when I went to inject in her belly the needle would NOT GO IN! We both were like, "oh, @#$%!." I decided, "I'm going to make this thing work, no matter what," and with that as gently as I could pushed it into her thigh area...And it worked!!

I really can't believe we are finished with this chapter of our journey. It's amazing how perfect the timing was for my family. And midway into the cycle, J got the opportunity to travel to Puerto Rico and the Carribean for 10 days in May––a vacation so well deserved! I will be grateful to her forever.

Our 5 day transfer is scheduled for this Friday. They do not peek at the embryos until then, so as not to disturb. My heart will be with them. In other great news, my husband injected me last night! Good to know I won't have to shoot myself up every night.