Whew. Needed to vent a little with that previous post.
DE IVF Round 2... Been giving my awesome sister Lupron shots for about a week since we've been back from France (which I hope to blog about later this week).
I got the go ahead to start delestrogen injections tonight, and all my bloodwork looks good. Sister J starts stims on Monday. Retrieval is likely in just under 2 weeks.
This cycle is going super fast, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
C'mon. Everybody's Doing It.
Having babies, that is. Or at least almost everyone I know.
Two women became pregnant (so painfully easily) around the time when I was just figuring out that... 'Houston, we have a problem!'
#1 made the announcement at an evening get together exactly two days after I found out my diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure. I cried for a bit in her bathroom, feeling the unfairness of it all. #2 made her announcement later that week at a brunch. I had to force a smile and congratulations, holding back the tears for later. Both of these women are 10+ years older than me, to boot. And no medical procedures were used to conceive! (Lucky, huh?)
And now, it's almost nine months later. I attended the baby shower #1 this past Saturday. I got in a fight with my sweet husband before going, over how sad I was about the shower. He thought I should feel only happiness for her, and that her having a baby did not really effect me in any way. I told him the truth, that I really am very happy for her, but also feel so very sad for myself because in a perfect world it would have been me having my baby shower that day.
#2, the wife of a friend, lives out of the country and is having baby items shipped to our house to save costs. Rub it in, why don't ya, universe?! Thank goodness the items are all packed in generic amazon boxes. No visible sign of the no doubt, adorable baby-wares within.
I know I'm being ungrateful, and part of me feels like a bad person for feeling this way. I have a great life. A house, good work, nice friends, and a husband who loves me. But sometimes, I feel like when it comes to fertility, the universe is sending me a big F-U!!
Two women became pregnant (so painfully easily) around the time when I was just figuring out that... 'Houston, we have a problem!'
#1 made the announcement at an evening get together exactly two days after I found out my diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure. I cried for a bit in her bathroom, feeling the unfairness of it all. #2 made her announcement later that week at a brunch. I had to force a smile and congratulations, holding back the tears for later. Both of these women are 10+ years older than me, to boot. And no medical procedures were used to conceive! (Lucky, huh?)
And now, it's almost nine months later. I attended the baby shower #1 this past Saturday. I got in a fight with my sweet husband before going, over how sad I was about the shower. He thought I should feel only happiness for her, and that her having a baby did not really effect me in any way. I told him the truth, that I really am very happy for her, but also feel so very sad for myself because in a perfect world it would have been me having my baby shower that day.
#2, the wife of a friend, lives out of the country and is having baby items shipped to our house to save costs. Rub it in, why don't ya, universe?! Thank goodness the items are all packed in generic amazon boxes. No visible sign of the no doubt, adorable baby-wares within.
I know I'm being ungrateful, and part of me feels like a bad person for feeling this way. I have a great life. A house, good work, nice friends, and a husband who loves me. But sometimes, I feel like when it comes to fertility, the universe is sending me a big F-U!!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Infertility in Other Cultures
The night before we left for France, I went to get a pedicure at a salon my sister often goes to. The woman who worked on my nails stroke up a conversation about her little dog, and we hit it off, as I have a little fur-angel, too.
She asked if I had any children, and I said no, that we were hoping to have some soon. I asked her the same, and she said no. She appeared to be in her late 30's to mid 40's, so beautiful her age didn't easily reveal itself. The woman then began speaking of her struggle with infertility. She and her husband had tried for 10 years, and no baby ever came. I asked if she had gone to a doctor, and told her there were specialists that could help her, but she simply said, "No."
She then told me that once when traveling back to her homeland of Vietnam, some friends told her the reason she had no children was because she loved her dog the same way she would love a child. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She warned me not to love my own dog too much, or risk having no children. I felt so bad for her, and told her I did not think that was the reason she didn't have a child. She warned me again. My heart wanted to tell her part of my story, and let her know there were options out there to bring her the child of her dreams. How could I explain to her how terribly wrong her superstitions were, while in the middle of a nail shop?
She asked if I had any children, and I said no, that we were hoping to have some soon. I asked her the same, and she said no. She appeared to be in her late 30's to mid 40's, so beautiful her age didn't easily reveal itself. The woman then began speaking of her struggle with infertility. She and her husband had tried for 10 years, and no baby ever came. I asked if she had gone to a doctor, and told her there were specialists that could help her, but she simply said, "No."
She then told me that once when traveling back to her homeland of Vietnam, some friends told her the reason she had no children was because she loved her dog the same way she would love a child. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She warned me not to love my own dog too much, or risk having no children. I felt so bad for her, and told her I did not think that was the reason she didn't have a child. She warned me again. My heart wanted to tell her part of my story, and let her know there were options out there to bring her the child of her dreams. How could I explain to her how terribly wrong her superstitions were, while in the middle of a nail shop?
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Almost Back on the Roller Coaster
Today I bought all the meds for donor egg IVF #2. This time around so far I feel less excitement build up around the whole process. Don't get me wrong, I am so hopeful and happy to have the opportunity...but this time I'm more aware of what can go wrong. Maybe I'll feel different when we start the injectables.
Husband and I leave on Tuesday for a two week trip to France––a much needed vacation before jumping back into the whirlwind of an IVF cycle. I have vin rouge and pain au chocolat to look forward to! My doctor told me to have a glass of red for her. I told her I'd have two!! We start our next cycle around May 25th.
Husband and I leave on Tuesday for a two week trip to France––a much needed vacation before jumping back into the whirlwind of an IVF cycle. I have vin rouge and pain au chocolat to look forward to! My doctor told me to have a glass of red for her. I told her I'd have two!! We start our next cycle around May 25th.
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